Saturday, August 27, 2005

Lee's Rough Guide to Dating in Belize

Ladies, follow these 5 easy rules for relationship success
1. He can't be married or living with anyone. Any time you see a woman walking towards you with a machette, its not a good thing.
2. He has to have a job and be able to maintain himself. Tip off #1, if he's standing around shooting the breeze on the street in the middle of the day, he doesn't have a job.
3. The job can not be selling drugs. I know, I'm getting kinda picky here, but its for your own good that you do not date a crack dealer.
4. He can not be missing any of his top or bottom 4 front teeth. If he doesn't care anough about his oral hygeine, then you don't want him putting his mouth anywhere on you.
5. You can be broke OR crazy, but you can't be broke AND crazy.

A Belizean woman friend actually asked me this question the other day. "Don't they have men in America? Why do all the old white ladies come to Belize. Can't they get a man in their own country?"
I was stupefied.
I felt embarrassed, for myself and for all the old white ladies out there.
Then I laughed.
Right after that she revealed to me that she could NEVER live in the U.S. because you're not allowed to be prejudice.


Guyana-Gyal said...

My tea almost snorted through my nose at this post, I am still cracking up.

This reminds me SO much of Jamaica, where I used to live.

Ale said...

thats great! i must keep it in mind when i go to belize :)

you should have told your friend that all men in US are now "metro sexual" translated = they act gay- and spend more time in front of a mirror than you!

Caribbean Colors said...

Would you rather date a gay straight man or a straight gay man?

laughing bird said...

#3.THE JOB CANNOT BE SELLING DRUGS. I KNOW. I'M GETTING KINDA PICKY HERE, BUT IT IS FOR UR OWN GOOD THAT U DO NOT DATA A CRACK DEALER. HMMMM, Ya i can see why you are so picky, you don't want to date a crack dealer but yet you date an alcoholic and then in the end have the same negative effect on you. Duuuuhhhhhhh!!!!

#5.YOU CAN BE BROKE OR CRAZY, BUT YOU CAN'T BE BROKE AND CRAZY. Well you are not broke but you do seem crazy or living far away from planet earth.

Anonymous said...

This is really just the tip of the iceberg for females/males from a developed country wishing to date in Belize. I have lived in Belize 8 years throughout my 20’s and 30’s, dated several people here and consider myself normal, very eligible and not extremely picky. You will be hard pressed to find someone who does not show some of the following attributes. 1) Poor communication skills. Not just the ability to speak English, but to hold an interesting conversation and share common ground with you. Many conversations centre on local gossip and politics. This is a result of the environment in that there is very little to do here (with the exception of diving, caving etc, which only appeals to a small minority of people in fairness (yes I dive!)), and the lack of disposable income for most people. 2) Small-town mentality with little comprehension of the life outside Belize, except for what they have seen on TV, relates back to the 1st point. 3) Gangster culture. Many people here idealise this lifestyle with the way they dress, talk and music they listen to. I could go on but this gives you an idea and I haven’t even mentioned education or physical appearances (of which people who have these often emigrate abroad for work or relationships). Not surprisingly Belize seems to attract older American guys looking to date multiple girls that are at least 25 years younger than them.