A Slight Case of Volcano Mouth

Be careful, its contagious.

Now that Easter is finished, and nearly all the tourists have left. I find myself with... time on my hands, and frankly, I'm bored. Now LiLi or Liliana (my new name given to me by The Mexicans cuz they can't handle Lee Ann), you could use your time wisely, so you say. Wisely, like paint a silk scarf, or produce something interesting and beautiful? Oh, not me. I'm using my time to taunt the few young men left on the island. Why the young men you ask? BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS TAKE THE BAIT.

Two young (shirtless) guys sit down at the coffee bar and I serve them their steaming hot cups of java.
As I set them down on the counter top, I mumble "I hope you like strong coffee."
They look up at me surprised and one of them answers, "Yes Maam we do."
Oh, there's that word "Maam", again. In young boyspeak it means, o.k. you old windbag.
"You're not going to winp out on me are you?" I say
"Pardon me?" he replies
"You're not going to winp out on me and ask for hot water to add are you?" I say menacingly
"Oh no maam, I can handle it."
"You sure?" I just can't let it go.
"Yes maam."
"Ok then."
No more to tease about and I back away slowly, THEY HAVE SUCCOMBED TO MY DOMINATION.
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Two older ladies come in and buy a brownie, and come back a few minutes later and buy another one. The younger of the two exclaims "I have never had a piece of chocolate in my mouth that tasted so good. What secret ingredient are you using?"
I ignore the obvious and tell her "Hashish."
"Really?" she exclaims
"JUST KIDDING, do you think you can buy a hash brownie for $2 U.S?" I answer, "Its the espresso and cinnamon."
"Because I ate a ganga brownie in Jamaica." she confides
Her friend quickly adds, "Well I didn't eat the brownie! I passed on that!"
"And I was stoned the next day." the younger of the older ladies adds
"Well this one will just give you a sugar high." I reply
"Jesus loves you and he's coming back to earth one day." she says while retreating out the door.
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Today I was asked if the coffee ice cubes in the iced coffee were made from coffee, and I answered "No, its well water"
I will never tire of seeing open mouth dismay from my customers...
"JUST KIDDING" I say, "its coffee."
I should slap myself sometimes
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A young man orders a ham & cheese omelet with bagel and fruit cup today and when serving him the plate, I had forgotten the fruit cup on the counter top. Remember, I should be wearing a T-Shirt with WWW on it (World's Worst Waitress) and to recover from my little error, I told the customer that we were out of fruit and asked him if it is o.k. if I give him this cup of napkins instead?
So polite, these young men are, he just said "errr..... I guess... that's o.k." polite and uncertain.
JUST KIDDING! And I limped back to the kitchen to get it for him, only I forgot which leg I was supposed to limp on, and after a few steps Shirlene comments from the kitchen, "Wrong leg Miss Lee, de adda wan."
What would I do without Shirlene?

Photo Friday - Primary Color - Blue

Blue, Azul, Blauw, Turqoise, Bleu, Cyan, Sapphire, Lapis, the name changes, but the feeling is still the same.

Cool water, floating, sun hot pouring down, skin tight, relaxed, happiness, licking my salty lime lips, eating pulpo ceviche tipping the bowl up to drink the juice.

Micheladas con Sol, salsa music, Cuban singers, dreadlock trombone player, brown skinned buff bodies, shake shake shake.

Cougars Gone Wild, the over 50 edition.

Shot last weekend in Cozumel Mexico, this was the only day we went where Mexican tourists go, Playa Azul Beach Club. The rest of the trip was spent back-a-bush and back-a-town riding motorcycles and eating fish tacos.

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Photo Friday - Lines

Super Sushi Saturday at Caribbean Colors

Relationship Advice from my Mother

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's

Then adopt a dog

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want ...

Then adopt a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies

..then adopt a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores

..then adopt a dog !

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to,

and loves you unconditionally, perpetually ..

..then adopt a dog.

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call,

ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place,

walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep,

and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness ....

..then adopt a cat!

You thought I was gonna say... Marry a man, didn't you?

Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day. Send this to all the men just to annoy them!

You..

...have a GREAT Day!!!

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Photo Friday - Turbulance

Is it a shark, or is it a manatee? Well almost. A curious snorkeler swims past the sunset shoot of Tina and Henry on their wedding day. All you can see is head and butt bobbing in the water. Click here for more Photo Friday submissions.

The Whys and the Wherefores

Where is Bigness and why aren't we hearing about him? The emails kept coming as I slowly wrote him out of the story. The old Creole saying, "Slowly, slowly you take your hand out of the tiger's mouth." His attitude went from, DENY DENY DENY, until he could deny no more, to I love you, I'm sorry I HAVE A PROBLEM to SO WHAT. When it reached SO WHAT I knew the relationship couldn't be saved. The divorce has been final since August. It was embarrassing and I was in no mood to talk about it, even to my parents. I finally called my Dad and told him what had gone down, and he said what I needed to hear, "We would never expect you to stay in a situation like that." Bigness has moved on and on and on and 2011 IS THE YEAR I GOT MY LIFE BACK.

Sade can say it so much better than I can.


Lyrics to Sade's Every Word

I saw a picture
How could you be so careless
How could you have done that to us
And I write this letter
I send it all back to you
And every word you said

In there every word, oh oh oh oh
How could you have done that to us

You treated me like a stranger
And all the time I was loving you
All your slick moves
They were once innocent moves
I wanted to look up to you
I really trusted you
And every word you said

In there every word, oh oh oh oh
How could you have done that to us

(Love is what the word was)

I was loving you like a child
All the time you were smiling
The same smile
I was loving you like a child
I really trusted you

Every word you said
Every word you said
(Love is what the word was)

Every word you said
Every word you said
(Love is what the word was)
(Love is what the word was)

Every word you said
Every word you said

I was loving you like a child
All the time you were smiling
The same smile
I was loving you like a child
I really trusted you

Every word you said
Every word you said
(Love is what the word was)
I send it back to you, yeah
(Love is what the word was)

Every word you said
Every word you said
(Love is what the word was)
I send it all back to you, yeah
(Love is what the word was)

Cafe del Mar - Luminous feat Julie Harrington Let You In

Photo Friday - Breathtaking

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Photo Friday Self Portrait 2011 challenge

So shocked I was when I took these photos off the camera. The lighting was perfect, the setting real and in paradise. I had put my makeup on with a paint roller and hadn't sweat it off yet, the breeze hadn't turned me into hurricane hair girl, and the results were surprising...
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Way too serious looking, but seriously... the former CEO in me, deep thought from still water, or maybe its because I just bumped my broken toe again, but SOMETHING is bothering me, maybe its the scorpion crawling up my leg.

Again with the goofy look

And now for the real me...

Eyes closed, mouth open
just expressing my opinion about the situation
just lettin you know for real what's goin on
FOR.REAL.
I'm working the sparkle eyeliner and rocking the plastic sequin earrings. Yeee Haaaa!