Thursday, May 19, 2011

Sugar Kisses

CLICK ON THE YOUTUBE VIDEO WHILE READING THIS POST to get the same feeling I had when writing it.

"No Sugga inna Caye Caulker bring fram de City"
the text message read on Tuesday morning, from Shirlene.
"No sugar on the Caye, need to get some before you drop me at the water taxi." I tell my taximan
HE: Well gud luk wid dat, sugga scayce right now."
ME: For tru? Chiney shop noh hav?
HE: It all inaa de newspapa, dey carry too much da Guatemala, sell it on de block markit, get 6 times de amount we pay inna Belize. Greedy sukkaz.
ME: Me noh pay tenshun da newspaypa
So I dash into Sav-U-by-de-roundabout, to the sugar aisle and it was empty. EMPTY. EMPTY EMPTY. Almost in a panic (sweating and hyperventillating) I asked the young boy stocking the shelves, about sugar... "Yu hav, yu noh hav?"
"We hav" he say, slowly backing away, "Sugga scarce, yu cyan hev only 5 pownd." and went to the back room to get it.
"All de mi giv me is 5 pownd" I tell my taxi man, "Mek you ker sum fa me" I hand my taxi man a $5

Midmorning clandestine sugar purchases. My taximan comes out of the store walking nonchalant, like the sugar is for HIM, giving a little skip. A conspiratorial smile on his face. Hmmmph! Always a way to beat the system.

The crux of the problem is that there is no production problem in Belize, the sugar prodcers say they have been selling enough to the local distrubutors, but these same distributors have been illegally exporting sugar to Guatemala, shorting the local economy, because they can get up to 6x the amount than what we pay here with our government price controls on basic commodities.

So, with sugar so scarce, I have stopped vacuuming the ants out of it.

"What are these insects?" a tourist man said pointing to the sugar jar.
I pretend to peer at it, knowing full well what he's pointing at. "Oh, those are just sugar ants" not paying him any mind "Totally edible."
I see his stomach turn. I actually physically see it, and think "stop being such a cry baby man".
"Well if you don't like them, which by the way I do, extra protein and all, just wait till they float to the top of your coffee and then skim them off."
"Here, let me show you." and I drop a teaspoon of sugar into my coffee, the ant floats up, I skim him off in one swoop. "Because I am not freakin throwing this sugar away, sugar scarce you know."

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Friday, May 13, 2011

Thursday, May 05, 2011

A Slight Case of Volcano Mouth

Be careful, its contagious.

Now that Easter is finished, and nearly all the tourists have left. I find myself with... time on my hands, and frankly, I'm bored. Now LiLi or Liliana (my new name given to me by The Mexicans cuz they can't handle Lee Ann), you could use your time wisely, so you say. Wisely, like paint a silk scarf, or produce something interesting and beautiful? Oh, not me. I'm using my time to taunt the few young men left on the island. Why the young men you ask? BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS TAKE THE BAIT.

Two young (shirtless) guys sit down at the coffee bar and I serve them their steaming hot cups of java.
As I set them down on the counter top, I mumble "I hope you like strong coffee."
They look up at me surprised and one of them answers, "Yes Maam we do."
Oh, there's that word "Maam", again. In young boyspeak it means, o.k. you old windbag.
"You're not going to winp out on me are you?" I say
"Pardon me?" he replies
"You're not going to winp out on me and ask for hot water to add are you?" I say menacingly
"Oh no maam, I can handle it."
"You sure?" I just can't let it go.
"Yes maam."
"Ok then."
No more to tease about and I back away slowly, THEY HAVE SUCCOMBED TO MY DOMINATION.
Two older ladies come in and buy a brownie, and come back a few minutes later and buy another one. The younger of the two exclaims "I have never had a piece of chocolate in my mouth that tasted so good. What secret ingredient are you using?"
I ignore the obvious and tell her "Hashish."
"Really?" she exclaims
"JUST KIDDING, do you think you can buy a hash brownie for $2 U.S?" I answer, "Its the espresso and cinnamon."
"Because I ate a ganga brownie in Jamaica." she confides
Her friend quickly adds, "Well I didn't eat the brownie! I passed on that!"
"And I was stoned the next day." the younger of the older ladies adds
"Well this one will just give you a sugar high." I reply
"Jesus loves you and he's coming back to earth one day." she says while retreating out the door.
Today I was asked if the coffee ice cubes in the iced coffee were made from coffee, and I answered "No, its well water"
I will never tire of seeing open mouth dismay from my customers...
"JUST KIDDING" I say, "its coffee."
I should slap myself sometimes
A young man orders a ham & cheese omelet with bagel and fruit cup today and when serving him the plate, I had forgotten the fruit cup on the counter top. Remember, I should be wearing a T-Shirt with WWW on it (World's Worst Waitress) and to recover from my little error, I told the customer that we were out of fruit and asked him if it is o.k. if I give him this cup of napkins instead?
So polite, these young men are, he just said "errr..... I guess... that's o.k." polite and uncertain.
JUST KIDDING! And I limped back to the kitchen to get it for him, only I forgot which leg I was supposed to limp on, and after a few steps Shirlene comments from the kitchen, "Wrong leg Miss Lee, de adda wan."
What would I do without Shirlene?

Sunday, May 01, 2011

Photo Friday - Primary Color - Blue

Blue, Azul, Blauw, Turqoise, Bleu, Cyan, Sapphire, Lapis, the name changes, but the feeling is still the same.

Cool water, floating, sun hot pouring down, skin tight, relaxed, happiness, licking my salty lime lips, eating pulpo ceviche tipping the bowl up to drink the juice.

Micheladas con Sol, salsa music, Cuban singers, dreadlock trombone player, brown skinned buff bodies, shake shake shake.

Cougars Gone Wild, the over 50 edition.

Shot last weekend in Cozumel Mexico, this was the only day we went where Mexican tourists go, Playa Azul Beach Club. The rest of the trip was spent back-a-bush and back-a-town riding motorcycles and eating fish tacos.

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