Saturday, October 15, 2005

The Story of Freaky White Granny

I have to type really fast because I'm supposed to be washing windows right now. Bigness has gone downstairs to continue working on "The Renovation" (another upcoming blog entry)

Freaky White Granny first came to Caye Caulker in May for her daughter's wedding. She's a retired kindergarden teacher from Brooklyn. I met the daughter (nice girl), but we don't serve booze or crack in the art gallery, so I never met the mother, on that trip. The Kids decide to move to Belize in August. Daughter got a job teaching at a private school in San Pedro, on the next island over. 3 days after they move here, FWG shows up - much to their chagrin - and disgust. They had moved here to get away from her. FWG's boyfriend, Big Head Charles, had found a really nice place to stay - ala - Lee and Bigness's place. I was iffy about Big Head Charles, Bigness said "Don't worry babes de old lady is renting it, not the bwai." Bigness is WAY too casual about rentals, but I think he's learned his lesson now. Anyways, back to the story. Right after she rents, Bigness goes to Cuba, and I won't bore you with rehashing the kinky sex stories and eviction, you'll just have to read back in August. One thing Bigness did though was, when she went to him to turn in the keys, he lectured her. He told her that she was an embarrassment and a burden to her daughter and why didn't she just go home becaue people didn't want her here and she was a joke to everyone.
After our eviction, she rents from my friend, and is evicted from there. We are living on a party island - so its got to be pretty bad before its over the top here. I guess she cracked out all her money and couldn't pay the rent. The Kids payed her rent and feed her for a couple of nights, then buy her a $500 one-way ticket back to Brooklyn. She was supposed to leave on Oct. 1, she disappears on Sept 30. Disappeared, but left all her stuff at my friend's apartment. So my friend packs her crap up and the calls The Kids to come and pick it up. They are mortally embarrassed. I guess this is something that FWG does - all the time. I wish I could be a big burden to my kids, but they wouldn't put up with it. I would be a bag lady because they would practice "Tough Love" on me. Daughter has a brother back in Brooklyn, who is getting a respite from FWG, while she chases mother around paradise. So FWG shows up on Oct. 2, totally wasting the $500 plane ticket that the Kids buy, and wants to know where her stuff is.
My friend tells her - Look, we are all adults here, why don't you start acting like one.
She's still here, the Kids have disowned her, and she's renting a ghetto apartment.
Well I have to go now and finish scraping the crap off the living/dining/kitchen. I'll post pics later.

1 comment:

Guyana-Gyal said...

Bigness LECTURED her. I love it.

What I'm wondering though is this, how did this so very dysfunctional woman get such good kids? Usually, it's the other way around...good parent, 'bad' kids.

I feel sorry for Belize now with that woman on the loose.

All in all, I love Belize and still fantasize about living / working there.