Friday, September 16, 2005

Blotter Report

I know you're all wondering how Freaky White Granny's eviction is going, and I intend to tell you... when its finished.
She's still here.
Big scandal.
I have a headache.
9:20 a.m.
Crackhead boyfriend: Miss Lady you be sorry, I mek you krawl outta here.
Me: Get you rass out of my store (didn't I tell someone else that this week?)
Bigness picks up the machette and chases him onto the street. (No customers in the store)
I don't think crakhead boyfriend expected to see Bignees OR the machette.
Bigness: Babes, better you report that to the po-leese.

9:21 a.m. I trek next door to the police station to report crackead boyfriend for "Threatening Words," make out the po-leese report and point out the fact (again) that there's a molotov cocktail sitting next to my house, which is now 4 drums of fuel (mek wha big boom).
9:30 Cabra (Corporal) says O.K. Miss Lady we tek keer ovit. Dis bwai, he noh bodder you again, if he do, we RIGHT here.
9:45 I hurry back to the store because Bigness is trying to serve coffee to customers (a fate worse than... )
3:30 p.m. All's Well Jezebel, but not over yet.

Stay tuned for the next episode. 6 p.m. is the deadline for her to turn in the keys. If she doesn't, its "No ACLU, No Jesse Jackson Time"
8:30 p.m. So anticlimatic, no fuss, no muss, keys turned in to Bigness, no Po-Leese, new padlock on the door.

so tomorrow...................

I'M GOIN' FISHIN for about 2 weeks.

I'm going to search for my sense of humour.


Guyana-Gyal said...

I enjoy a good scandal :-D

Hope your headache goes. Drink LOTS of water, it helps.

Ale said...

i knew it was going to be a scandal... a friend of mine is going through an eviction shananigin and its not pretty--

Caribbean Colors said...

Thanks GG, I drank the water and IT HELPED! Miracle cure.