Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Haul Yer Aaaazzz Biotch

I don't want to turn my blog into Tales From the Evil Waitress, but this story can't stay suppressed. It must live and breathe.

Nice Boyfriend comes in around 7 a.m. after a morning run on the beach and asks me for a latte for his still sleeping Snotty Girlfriend.

I say, sure, double or triple?
He says double, but I don't have any money on me, is it o.k. if I come back and pay later?
I say, sure, I close between 12 and 4.
I make the latte, he takes it, then comes back about 45 minutes later to pay, but hasn't got enough money, he brought 5 bzd and its 6. I say, no problem just drop a dollar off whenever you come by again.

I layed off the staff for September and October. They knew when we reopened in November that there would be on a 2 month layoff, because we're not supposed to be busy these next 2 months. Business has slowed down during this hurricane season, but its not as slow as I anticipated.

About 8:30 the cafe is packed with happy coffee drinkers and bagel eaters. Bigness has slunk away, which he does when I turn my back.

Snotty Girlfriend comes in and wants a word with me.
She wants to know where the rest of her latte went.
I draw a blank. Uhhhh Ummmm
I have no idea what she's talking about.

She. wants. to. KNOW. where. the. rest. of her. latte. is.
I ask her, what is the problem?
Do you see this? She says, shaking a 1/2 full 16 ounce foam cup. I haven't even touched it and where's the rest of it?
Do you want more steamed milk in your now cold deflated latte, I ask her?

Hmmph Snotty Girlfriend puts her hands on hips and says... AND I want to know how YOU come off charging these prices, STARBUCKS doesn't even charge these kinds of prices, she starts to raise here voice at me.

Warning, warning, warning, I'm getting irritated.
Be cool Lee.
She's just a hungover skinny ass. (from AmeriKa)
But I'm the owner, not a worker.
You are not allowed to treat me like dog shit.
I'm polite and always cheerful, to everyone, always.
I only bark at Bigness.
I don't deserve this.
I'm not even going to justisfy my prices, with are clearly posted on the menu, that I pay 20 bzd a lb. ($10 U.S.) wholesale for coffee and 9 bzd for a 1/2 gallon of fresh milk. Plus I have to get it here either on a boat or on a plane.

Let me explain something to you, I say, with a smile and in a kind voice. Your boyfriend came in real early, WITH NO MONEY, and I made him a Latte, which is espresso and foamy frothy steamed milk. Its 1/3 espresso 2/3 milk, and that's what he got, with no money, then he came back and didn't have enough money, so I let him slide, so actually you still owe me a dollar for that.

Snotty Girlfriend started to make this teeth sucking sound, and growel. I thought she might start foaming at the mouth. She reaches into her pocket book and slaps a coin down on the counter. I look at it and its a shilling (25 cents)

I say, that's a shilling, but would you like me to reheat this and add more steamed milk?
I have picked up the cup from where she had slammed it.

She raises her eyebrows at me and says... I don't have all day.

I had 1/2 turned around to start reheating it and stopped dead in my tracks.
Uh Oh, here it comes.
For one moment I was Supergirl.
I turned around (neatly pivoting with my superpowers), went to the cash drawer, picked up a 5 bzd note.
I said, without anger or raising my voice, You and Your Unhappy Self have to get out of my store. and I put the 5 bzd on the counter.
Snotty Girlfriend's mouth drops open, she snatches the 5 and the shilling and STOMPS her skinny azz out the door.

The only one who heard the discussion (ruckus) was the Sweet Guyanese Dive Master who comes in every morning for raspberry tea and blueberry cake who said: Dat lady, she was NOT right.

Thanks man, I said, that really pissed me off.

I felt shakey after that. I rehashed and reviewed the chain of events over and over in my head for the next few hours. I ruminate, I come from a long line of female ruminators. My mother is the Queen of Rumi Nation, which is located next to the land of Obsessive Thoughts. My Dad is from the country of IfIDon'tThinkAboutItItWontBotherMe.

I half expected Very Nice Boyfriend to come in and apologize for his girlfriend's behaviour, but he didn't.

Have you ever had a friend or loved one that you have had to appologize for their bad behaviour? In the past I have had friends and family members who have majorly embarrassed my with their crazy or demanding behaviour, in public or restaurants. I'm not going to make excuses for these people anymore. Crazy is just crazy and bad manners is just bad manners.


hobbes said...

You are so so right. Way to go. Think what a sad little life skinny-azz must have if her only way to validate herself is to be unpleasant to others.

Guyana-Gyal said...

I have relatives with horrid temper, bad manners, and are froth at the mouth crazy.

The woman didn't even have the decency to leave without the money. She TOOK it!

They are everywhere, aren't they? The crazies.

Caribbean Colors said...

Incidents like this sometimes lead to slander in the net in public forums. Belize has several online question/answer/advice forums. My eyes are peeled for it.

Rainypete said...

I owned a computer store for several years and was always amazed at the rudeness of consumers.

They think that because they brought in a few of their hard earned dolalrs, they have the right to treat you as they wish. I delighted in telling them they had no right to treat myself or my staff like cattle and requested that they leave.

Why people bring their wallets and leave their manners behind is a mystery that will likely never be solved. You handled skinny-azz like a pro. Well done CC!

DCveR said...

Have you ever been to a Coldstone Creamery? They have this policy that states the employees must sing a song whenever they get a tip in their jar.
Last March I was in Corvallis, OR, at the local Coldstone, there was only one employee there, and there was a huge 'happy family' there too. The waitress had a terrible time serving me and my wife because those guys kept giving the kids cents to place in the tip jar. After quite some time she managed to get us our ice creams and apologized to us for taking so long. I paid her, tipped her(telling her there was no need to sing an extra song on me) and we sat eating our ice creams while those bastards kept throwing pennies at the tip jar forcing the poor girl to keep singing. When we were done I went towards the tip jar and left her a 10 telling her loud enough that the note was for having to put up with the family of assholes. Not a nice comment, I know, but far less than what they really deserved.
The assholes stared at me in silence, making resentful faces, but they didn’t say a word. I was not one they could force into singing…

none said...

sounds like she thought she would have a little power trip and you would melt and kiss her first world ass; oh, and people who complain about prices on vacation are usually RICH.

Anonymous said...

Pass the coffee please...the 'free one.'
I can see you now....omg what a hoot!!!!

Mary Beth said...

In my business I deal with people are often stupid and nasty. I often adjust the cost of the service I proform if the client is really bad and call it "The Stupid Tax". I never would have given the customer her money back,I would have barred her for life from darkening my doorstep again. Lee, you are just too nice to be dealing with the general public!! But truly admire your sense of humor.

Chuck said...

I think you handled it perfectly! You don't need snots in your store and anyone who had heard your exchange would have felt the same way (or they can leave too!).

Sometimes you just have to take a stand, even if it's over latte.

ghostdavey said...

I just discovered your blog. Can't wait to read more. This nasty customer thing reinforeces my belief that there is no such thing in psychic powers. If we had them, none of us could ever chance working retail again. The world would be a grisly smattering of bodybags and exploded heads...

Anonymous said...

This is the funniest thing! Thanks Lee!