Ettikit Lessin

I'm at the internet cafe because our connection at home isn't working again, and again and again, The little boy who sells the salty popcorn on the street after school came into the cafe and very politely went around selling his wares. He's such a sweet little boy, so polite, (I dont' know his name, we just call him the little popcorn boy) We always buy from him no matter what, the plastic bags are evenly packed in clean packets tied at the top displayed in a clean plastic tub. So of course I'm going to get my afternoon snack, and of course its too tempting to wait until I get home to much it down. And of course I'm using my fingers to eat it with, the fingers that have been touching the public keyboard, and of course this keyboard wasn't just doused in bleach water right before I started using it. Munch munch munch. I'm so grossed out at what I did. I hope I don't get gangrene. Its the oral transmission of disease again....

So here's the ettikit lesson. Its NOT O.K. (IN PUBLIC) to fish the popcorn out, that has dropped down into my bra and is hanging around the underwire. Ladies, you ALL know we do it, its like the balls scratching thing that guys do. And we know THAT'S JUST WRONG.

I think I'll leave it for a midnight snack. But first I'll wash my hands.

Name That Tune

She’s lost the sun

She’s come undone

She didn’t find what she was looking for…

And when she found what she was looking for, honey it was too late

This song from the 60s winds through my head over and over as I watch my friend unravel before my eyes. A woman that I’ve known for 4 years is going off the deep end and there’s nothing I can do to help her anymore.

And another one bites the dust.

What does it take to be successful in Belize? I get asked this question at least 10 times a day in the store and via email.

Come with enough money to sustain yourself for at least a year. Whatever you estimate your living expenses will be, double them and you’ll be more accurate.

Be patient and kind to everyone.

And very important… be able to adjust. Roll with it. (Yea, sure you think you can roll with it, but spend a long, still, hot night with no fan because the electricity is off all over the island and the mosquitoes are ON. Then we’ll talk.) Oh, and by the way, don't say "I live here" until you're spent a full hurricane season here. People who winter here during high season (November-April) when we have money sloshing over this island in basketfulls from tourism don't live here, they winter here in their second home.

Be prepared to have to work hard. If you can not do hard work, then don’t move here.

You must be able to be content with keeping your own company.

And last of all, don’t forget to abide by the rules of Lee’s Rough Guide to Dating on Caye Caulker.

For me, moving to Belize was an experiment that worked. I was one of the lucky ones. I came here with a deep seated unhappiness about MY life in the U.S. and wanted a change, not only a change of scenery, but inside I WANTED TO CHANGE. And I did. I didn’t come here to change Belize, Belize changed me.

We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us.” –John Steinbeck

I’ve been through this with friends before. They are unhappy, they are not making enough money in San Pedro or San Ignacio, they think I have the magic answer for them, that on Caye Caulker things will be different. And being the nice person that I am, I make the mistake of hiring them or housing them or both. Friends are hard to come by, especially here. The first 2 weeks are great, I have a loyal hard working employee and a friend to hang with, but after about 2 weeks, its back to the same whining, complaining, miserable attitude, except now, I’m saddled with them.

Fortunately they find a way to leave Belize either by getting friends in the U.S. to spot them a plane ticket or in one case found an internet lover to advance it to her. Then they leave and everyone breathes a sigh of relief. I don’t fire them in the weeks preceding their departure, even when their behavior and attitude (read screaming psycho hissy fits) goes over the top because by now I feel somehow responsible for them financially. (Why?) Now, that I’ve learned my lesson (again) I think that is part of their unconscious lifelong strategy of engaging and then dumping. The human problem of biting the hand that’s feeding you. Unless you are willing to do the work to change, you will live the same story over and over and over.

“There are two kinds of discontent in this world. The discontent that works, and the discontent that wrings its hands. The first gets what it wants. The second loses what it has. There’s no cure for the first but success and there’s no cure at all for the second.”

-Gordon Graham

Before moving anywhere you need to ask yourself these questions:

Why did you leave the last place you lived?

What were the things that irritated you there?

Why do you think those same things won’t get on your nerves here?

Is your unhappiness situational or terminal? When I say terminal, I mean, are you terminally ill with the sickness of unhappiness and will eventually die from it?

We make it look easy, those of us that live here and have learned how to go from point a to point b without skinning our knees. If you want to move here because you think we don’t have to work hard, you’re wrong. And just like the hustlers on the pier, you will probably not end up doing lasting long term business with the first people you meet. The genuine ones sit back and watch you, for a long time. I am less and less willing to share secrets after a spectacular debacle in 2003 where I nearly had to have a friend repatriated. I have all but stopped encouraging people to move here. Its hard for me to watch failure after failure. For myself, I am grateful to the people who, along the way, pointed me in the right direction, and I am also grateful to myself for listening to their advice. It’s a shame because the people who legitimately need help will never ask for it, they just work harder.

Bigness has a great way of dealing emotionally with other people’s failure. He calls it the “Drop Thru” He does about a 30 second analysis of the situation and pronounces “Drop Thru” or “Champion” recognizing character flaws instantly. He does not waste his time trying to encourage, or attend to, in any way, to the “Drop Thru”. He simply ignores them and laughs a little while placing bets on their actual date of demise. The first question asked is “Who is she/he dating?” Mind you, he’s not totally without compassion, he’s compassionate with detachment.

I’m learning this too.

The Rain She Come

YAY! Our water well and our dusty sandy streets thank you rain clouds. Caye Caulker has no municipal water and sewer system. We rely on wells and cisterns for our fresh water, and soak aways and septic for waste water. We are one of the few villages left in Belize with no municipal water system and frankly, we are running out of water. After such a dry, dry season and low low tides we are grateful and happy to see the rain, even if it comes down in bucketfulls.

Beach Party

UNBaby Turns 5. Ah you gotta love it, the kind of photos you can blackmail a girl with when she turns 16. Her real birthday is May 1st, a May Day baby, but we wanted to postpone her party until Auntie, Uncle and Cousin were here to join in on the festivities. Keeping her real birthdate a secret was impossible, of course, but she was patient waiting for the big day. We had about a one-month work up to it as her birthday didn't take place until after mid May.

And what party is complete without a king?

Supergirl got the kind of pinata that each child takes a ribbon and pulls open a trap door, because wisely she felt that 5-year olds with bats was a VERY BAD THING.
At the end of the day, after all the pizza was eaten, the orange fanta drank, the sandy candy collected from the pinata and the cake cut, I retired upstairs , because I'M THE GRANDMA DAMMNIT, its up to the mommy to clean up all the mess!

Feeling Inspired

We picked up my oldest daughter (Adria), her husband (Jay) and their 6 year old daughter (my granddaughter May) in the morning in Cancun, close to being right on time and headed south arriving in Belize at our house in the bush at around 9 p.m. It was a long, long day and I’m grateful that Bigness loves to drive for the trip would have taken 3 days if left to me. I would have driven a little, had lunch, wandered around a bit, driven a little bit more, stopped for a snack and a bathroom break, then driven a little more and at sunset, its time to stop and rest at a hotel with a pool. I reiterate, I’m glad I’m just the passenger in these excursions. Upon leaving Chetumal Mexico I announced to Jay, that’s the last MacDonald's you will see for the next 10 days. He looked a bit worried and probably wondered what he would eat all week. After a good night’s rest at our little house in the bush, we headed for Caye Caulker the next morning to start their island vacation. I got to wear some of my new threads that I had ordered online from oldnavy.com and had sent to their house to be stuffed into a suitcase. So for now I don’t look like I’ve picked my clothes out of the missionary rag bag. Plus she came like the cavalry with new art supplies!

There was no big agenda. No real plans. We went inland to the zoo and to a butterfly farm one day, they went with Supergirl to San Pedro one day and snorkeling on the Glass Bottom Boat one day. The rest of the time was as follows:

-Breakfast

-Beach walk or Sports bar to watch the game

-Morning nap in the hammock or Sports Bar to watch the game

-Lunch AND Sports Bar to watch the game

-Swimming or Sports Bar to watch the game

-Afternoon nap in the hammock or Sports Bar to watch the game

-Dinner AND Sports Bar to watch the game

-Other activities included walks to Chan’s Mini Mart to buy salsa casera to add to the guacamole, and one time to buy linguini for the pesto pasta. Walks to Albert’s Mini mart for cans of Diet A&W Root Beer and Diet Dr. Pepper.

A couple of evenings were spent "fishing" with hand lines at the split and from the main pier (after the game at the Sports Bar). We had more success the second time fishing when we switched the bait from steak fat and french fries to sardines. UNBaby and Maya loved it, for about 5 minutes and then fell asleep in chairs. I don’t know what we would have done if we had actually caught something, it was fun teasing the fish though, and we saw some BIG ones at the split after dark.

Art Info: The new paintings are on silk. The top 3 square ones are for tile designs that will be available soon on Cafepress.com. The blue morpho painting has already sold, the jaguar painting "El Tigre" is available for $175 U.S. and is approx. 19" x 27". The square fish painting originals are available for $125 U.S. each (plus shipping) and are 16" x 16".

Funniest Thing I've Heard All Day

Bigness: WOMAN! The root of all evil!
Me: You're misquoting the Bible again, its MONEY is the root of all evil.
Bigness: I don't see anything wrong with money.
Me: Tru, not as long as you have some.
Bigness: (peeling a banana, eats it in 2 swoops) A banana a day keeps the doctor away.
Me: Again with the misquotes
Bigness: I like bananas
Me: Obviously

Funniest Thing I Saw All Day
A little old old old mashed up granny wearing a pink tank top with the word "NAUGHTY" spelled out in rhinestones on her chest.

The World on Fire

Me: That's alotta smoke.
Bigness: hmm? (as he looks up from his paper)
Me: The trees across the way are on fire
Bigness: Gial no worry, the fence will stop the fire
Me: I don't think its going to stop it, the breeze is blowing it right towards us
Bigness: (nonplussed) the breeze is not hard, its just a little fire, and the yard is peeled (cut short) nothing to burn close to the house. (he buries himself in the paper)

a few minutes later...
Bigness: Gial, shut those back windows.

But I don't hear him so well, because I'm outside with the painfully short hose, wetting down the orange trees, the grass, the house, the bushes, the car, the motorcycle, looking for and filling up any plastic container because if the fire hits the electric lines, we will lose our well pump and there goes the water. Its my vivid imagination at work again, thinking out multiple scenerios. Too bad I hate the game of chess.

Bigness: GIAL, let's bring in the motorcycle.
So we do, and find a little board to use as a ramp up the side steps, I pull and lift and he pushes from behind. This machine didn't look so big when it was parked outside, but now it fills our little kitchen next to the lawn mower and washing machine. Its raining ash like snow now.
Bigness: we're almost out of fresh water, I'm going to the store for more.
Me: Do you think this is a good time to do that?
Bigness: Gial, you worry too much
Me: LOOK (and I point here, here and here) the fire is on three sides of us now.
(And I think to myself, you must be worried too if you brought the motorcycle into the kitchen.)

I can see the neighbors down the way on their front porch watching the fire like a reality TV show. I can hear the bagpipe-playing old Englishman neighbor practicing christmas carols over and over. Jingle Bells, Deck the Halls and We Three Kings like Nero playing the violin while Rome burns. Isn't anyone else worried?

I continue spraying where I left off. I drench the baby mango tree, the two baby Jamaican lime trees, the baby almond trees, the red hibiscus bush, all of which we planted this year knowing that if the fire reaches us these might be saved if I can wet them up enough. I spray all along the fence line as far as I can go with this short hose, half of the roof, two sides of the house and curse myself that I didn't buy a longer hose the last time I was in town.

Bigness comes out of the house and moves the car to the leeward side of the house.

Bigness: I hope the fire stops before we go to bed.
Me: Me too.
Bigness: Its burning up the road by the store, the whole roadside is on fire.

Our little house in the bush, where my studio is now, is 30 miles away from Belize City and 18 from Belmopan. Each of these cities fighting their own battles against rampant brush fires, I know that it is just us and the little hose that stands between the fire and losing the house. There won't be any ladder trucks coming, no helicopters dumping fire retardant, no men in fireproof suits. I chose to live here and so I choose to deal with the reality of living so isolated.

I watch as the fire jumps the road and starts burning towards an empty house. I stop the water and go inside to watch from the back bedroom windows as the smoke is thick and burning my eyes now. And then it stops. The flames die down, the breeze slackens and the air begins to clear. I crack the window a bit and lie down on the bed because tomorrow morning comes soon and we're going to Cancun to pick up my oldest daughter and her family from the airport.
I wake up around 4 a.m., the breeze is cool, scented with pine smoke like incense and the air feels wet. We leave the house and start traveling north to the border with Mexico, at daybreak I can see rain clouds on the horizon.

Living Like We Do

I've been using the bus lately to come and go up the road to our house in the bush. We've been experiencing car troubles and the machine has been into the mechanic for a couple of weeks. The prognosis was not good. We need a new engine. I could go on for several paragraphs about trying to find a good engine for a 1996 Izuzu Rodeo, the calls to aMerica, the calls to Canada, and at the end of the day one was found right in Belmopan in a mashed up car. So, Bigness's next best friend has become the mechanic and the car engine change has become his new career.Enough said.

I'm fine with the bus. Bigness has to have wheels (that he controls) under his butt, so in the interim we bought a medium size scooter. I rode on the back once when he picked me up from the bus stop, but since I don't have a death wish, that's probably the last time that will happen. I've ridden it myself a couple of times, but there's something unsettling at the pit of my stomach about going at that speed bare armed, bare legged, sandal footed. I'm wearing the bottoms of my sandals out forgetting where the brakes are. I put it in to the same category as bungee jumping, parachuting, water sliding and breaking my leg.

The busses in Belize run amazingly regular without having a set schedule. When the main bus company went into bankruptcy and then subsequently went into receivership and then shut down, lots of little operators picked up old school busses in aMerica, drove them down through Mexico and dozens of bus companies started up to fill the need. The service isn't bad. If the bus is full, just wait for another one coming along shortly. When I need to leave from Belize City, I go to the bus station and jump on any bus heading west, as we only have one highway heading west, the task is easy. When I want to head back to the city I walk out the access road from our area to the highway, stand on the side of the road and the first bus around the corner catches me. There is a legend that a first class air conditioned express bus leaves from Belize City and goes to San Ignacio every day at 10 a.m., but so far as I've seen, its still a legend.

I don't mind no air conditioning, as the windows are all down, the breeze keeps you cool, or at least keeps the sweat dried offThis trip I was the last one on the bus, or so I thought, catching it just as it was pulling from the station. I hopped up the stairs, thanking the driver for waiting. I waded down the aisle into the only empty aisle seat. There were other seats empty, but they were on the window side and Belizean women usually won't scoot over, which is a phenomenon I find strange. The same holds true for the water taxi. A Belizean woman will get into the boat and sit herself down where she wants, no matter how inconvenient it is for the 50 people trying to board behind her. I don't understand it, but hey, if that's my only complaint, then I should just shut up.

Back to the bus. People are content, children don't misbehave. The bus rolls forward a few feet and I plop down into my seat half way down the aisle next to a little Spanish girl and it lurches to another stop as a blind man gets on the bus, led by his daughter. He needs to sit down and if the bus driver would give him 15 seconds to do this, he would stop lurching and flopping. I'm afraid he will fall. If the lady with the baby right next to him would scoot over, he could slide in, but he's blind and can't see this. The little old Jehovah's witness lady saves the day. She's on the window seat in front of them and moves out into the aisle, makes the Spanish man that was next to her scoot over, slides the blind man onto the seat, then sidles over the lady with the baby (who could have just scooted over) and sits down. All the while the driver hasn't missed a bump or pothole. I am amazed. He stops 2 blocks later and has the attendant put $50 in gas into the tank. A few miles down the road the steward side steps down the aisle asking where you are stopping and telling you the appropriate fare. Its 2.50 bzd from Belize City to my stop which is 31 miles up the road, a great value considering that when we drive our own car its 35 bzd to come and go. We talk all the time about economizing and using the bus system more but at the end of the day what is true is that we are lazy to do it. Shame on us.

I see it before I smell it, the great white plumes of smoke. Nervously I check for the mile marker on the side of the highway and we're more than 10 miles from home. I shouldn't be nervous anyway, Bigness has told me that if its a house on fire the smoke is black, if the hills are on fire the smoke is white. 3 miles later we can smell the sweet burn, the hills are on fire, and its burning right up to the road. Closer and closer we get, until you can't hardly see the road. I watch the driver's eyes in the rearview mirror and he doesn't look nervous at all although he glances up to see where his people are from time to time. He never hesitates as we enter the gauntlet. The road is on fire on both sides, bus windows slap into the up position, I can hear the crackling flames and fire, the heat is intense. The driver presses on, we have no idea how long this will be and in a few seconds we are through it, everyone breathes a sigh, the windows slap down, the breeze starts clean again and I realize that he's playing an old Kenny Roger's CD, The Gambler.

A tap on my might shoulder and the little Spanish girl sitting next to me asks, "Please Miss Lady could you pass this to my sister?" she points across the aisle and I pass the plate of rice-n-beans and stewed chicken to her. A tap on my left shoulder and a baby is handed to me, "Please Miss Lady could you pass this to my sister?" and I pass the little chubby boy on down the line. I noticed that Tropical Storm Andrea is in the Atlantic, which is the start of rainy season. It couldn't come too soon. We've been experiencing dry tides with our well on Caye Caulker which means that during certain times of the day, the well actually runs dry, the fresh water vats are nearly empty. We've experienced a much more dry year this year than last. The rains should come soon, June is nearly here.

I Just Don't Get it

White people with dread locks. Explain it to me.

Overheard

Boys Behaving Badly
Middle age American woman to young British soldier: Why would I want to go home and sleep with you when I can go home to my husband and NOT sleep with him.
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Motherhood
UnBaby: MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY they have high heel shoes at the Chinese store AND THEY FIT ME! Can I buy them can I buy them can I buy them????????
Supergirl: You can buy high heel shoes when you're old enough to buy your own shoes!
UNBaby: .... (huh?) They have sparkles on them!
Supergirl: As long as I'm buying your shoes they aren't going to be high heels.
UNBaby: When can I buy them?
Supergirl: When you're 14.
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Granmaw Law
Me: Don't make me chase you down the beach! Stay where I can see you!

We had a little scare a while ago. UnBaby came rushing up the stairs from the beach into the kitchen all breathless.
UNBaby: Mommy Mommy Mommy a lady says she has presents for me at her hotel room can I go can I go can I go?????"
Supergirl & I simultaneously: WHAT!!!
Supergirl: Show me this lady

Supergirl went with UNBaby down the stairs to the beach and pointed out the lady who was sitting at a table at a nearby restaurant. It was probably innocent (we hope) but Supergirl reminded the lady that ITS NOT O.K. TO TRY AND LURE LITTLE CHILDREN INTO YOUR HOTEL ROOM! She gently explained to her that while we appreciate gifts you should give them to the children in public, preferrably in the presence of their parents.

People bring gifts down for the kids of Caye Caulker all the time. Its great, pencils, books, school supplies, toothbrushes, toys. But this incident shocked us out of our self induced daze that we're living in a safe society where nothing bad can happen to our kids. We have a false sense of security, because we all know each other (cousins all up and down the beach) and watch out for each other that nothing can touch us, and in a split second we had the sense knocked back into us.