Saturday, April 22, 2006

The Dimmer Switch that Controls the World

Me: the air conditioning isn't working in the little apartment.
Bigness: it was working just fine the last time I checked.
Me: its not working now.
Bigness: is the refrigerator working?
Me: I don't know.
Bigness: . . . are you sure its not working?
Me: I know how to turn an air conditioner on.
Bigness: why do you need air conditioning?
Me: that's not the point, the point is that its not working. I tried changing the plug and neither plug on that wall is working.
Bigness: is the refridgerator working?
Me: I . D O N ' T . K N O W.
Bigness: it must be working, are you sure you turned it on?
Me: (big sigh) I KNOW how to turn the air conditioner on and its not working. I checked the circuit breaker and no circuit popped.
Bigness: . . . (shrug)
Me: we need that air conditioner fixed.
Bigness: why?
Me: because we are advertising an efficiency apartment with air conditioning, and that's the hottest room in the whole house.
Bigness: must be the switch.
Me: what switch?
Bigness: the switch I have it on.
Me: like what switch?
Bigness: (deep breath because he's about to splain something tek-nickle to the eedjiot) the switch that was there, I put the outlets on that wall on it. It was a dimmer switch but I needed it to be an outlet plug, so I wired it straight through. (he says this like it makes complete sense to him)
Me: where's that switch?
Bigness: I moved it.
Me: where's that switch!
Bigness: its in the alleyway between the two houses.
Me: why would you do that?
Bigness: I didn't want anyone messing with it so I dropped it between the 2 walls when we closed up the doorway between the apartments.
Me: is that dangerous?
Bigness: No. . . what's dangerous is how the pizzafarians have their butane tanks hooked up all slek with plastic tubes instead of copper quicksnap fittings.
Me: didn't you send them a letter about that?
Bigness: yes.
Me: go check the switch before you forget.
Bigness: I will.
Me: I mean it!
Bigness: gial I don't know what you're worried about there's nobody even on this friggin island to rent to.
Me: . . .

Later that day... MCS came in and dropped a dimmer switch in my lap.
MCS: I fixed it.
Me: what's this?
MCS: the dimmer switch that controls the world.
Me; that's jacked up.
MCS: not anymore.
Me: the toilet is leaking. . .
MCS: girl power!
Me: is the air conditioner working?
MCS: is the refrigerator working?
Me: . . .


hobbes said...

D├Żou know where I could get a kid dimmer switch? What I'm actually looking for is a volume control, but I think a dimmer switch would have the same effect...

Rainypete said...

The suspense is killing me!! I need to know if the fridge is working now too!

MaryBeth said...

I think that MCS needs a new name. And I think it should be PowerPuff Gial, because she is simply amazing. PS. Is the refrigerator on?? How about the AC?? MB

amirra said...


Rev. Dennis J. Shane, D.D., ULC said...

and all this time CC, I thought life was different in paradise! ;)

Middle Child Syndrome said...

Whatever a boy can do.... a girl can do better!!!!!! but remember not to be haughty and rub it in...

Middle Cild Syndrome said...

and yes I fixed the fridge to