Sunday, October 01, 2006

Last man standing…

There’s an old Kriole saying, “Maaga dog gawn turn round and bite ya.”

Loose Translation: when you try and help and skinny starving dog, you better watch your fingers because it will turn around and bite you.

What to write about, what to write about…

Caye Caulker is like a deserted island right now. We are in Mauger (pronounced Maaga) season, where everyone is out in the street fighting tooth and nail for the meager tourist dollars trickling in. Most of the restaurants have shut down for vacation, (they are the smart ones) we have continued to stay open mornings and evenings because of our loyal local coffee clientele and will continue to do so until we can’t stand it any longer and finally shut our doors for a few weeks for vacation from our vacation.

Tour guides are fighting over customers, getting the police involved. A slightly drunk guide raises his voice to a police officer and is thrown in the slammer, he decides to try and bust the 4” thick cell door by kicking it and the thumping reverberates through the sand up into our house and shakes the bed.

Supergirl says I should blog about the “Canadian Professor of Weights and Measures” that came into the café this week and loudly (in front of customers) accused me of serving a 14 ounce coffee in a 12 ounce cup. Accused me of cheating him out of 2 ounces of coffee, because we charge 1 bzd (50 cents) for refills and he wanted his for free. I think she wants me to get to the part where SHE had to ask his rudeness to leave, he was disturbing the other satisfied customers, who were just grateful that we were open serving as usual our awesome coffee, bagels and cakes, WITH. A. SMILE. She wants me to also get to the part where she politely gave him the directions to another restaurant where she informed him that he will be eating THERE tomorrow morning and drinking pisswater.

Something like this happened last year in September with a Starbucks Generation customer complaining about our prices. I guess because it’s a 3rd World Country, she thought everything should be free. I should be grateful, this seemingly only happens once a year.

But I think better to blog about the positive.

In the category of weights and measures UNBaby has her own opinion…


Me: so who has a bigger belly, me or Grandpa?

UNBaby: ohhhh… Crampa.. he hev wan beeeg belly! (she opens her arms wide to show the width)

Me: so who has bigger chi-chi’s me or Grandpa?

UNBaby: (screws up her face and little shiny eyes dart from me to Grandpa and back again) Whale Cronma, your bras is big but your chi-chi’s are LEETLE!

Grandpa: CHO!

On a happy note also, this year we’ve had NO hurricane threats come even close. Another 2 weeks and we’ll be past the danger zone.


Mary Beth said...

To the weights and measures department: I read your post three times and I do have a legal education, not a phsyics degree, but I'm not sure that the laws of nature allow a 14oz drink, coffee or otherwise, to occupy a 12 oz container, cup or otherwise, without 2 oz going on the floor, or otherwise. Please confirm that the laws of nature are still at work in Caye Caulker !! Your critical reading friend, MB

Caribbean Colors said...

The laws of nature are still working, even on Caye Caulker. Mr Professor of Weights and Measurements very loudly claimed (maybe he had a hearing problem) that our 14 ounce cup was really a 12 ounce cup and wanted a free refill because we were cheating him. If he had asked nice, I would have given it to him. But he didn't. I'm having trouble subscribing to the "Customer is Always Right" rule. I'm just waiting to read somewhere on the internet on a message board, a trip report written by Mr. Professor about his perfect dive vacation except for his terrifying experience at the "Art Gallery" on Caye Caulker who cheated him out of 2 ounces of coffee and then were rude enough to ask him to leave. Although I know he behaved in a similar manner at several other restaurants (yes we compare notes). By the end of the week he was tagged by nearly everyone, "Oh there goes that jackass."
I think its time for a vacation.
Maybe I'm in the wrong business (food) because I'm not going allow myself to be mistreated by customers. I totally identify with Seinfeld's Soup Nazi right now.
Here is the next problem. I want a vacation, and Bigness is bored and looking for the next construction project. I want to sleep late, laze around the house in my jammies, not answer the phone and read read read, lay in the hammock and swim. He wants to get in the car and drive places. So much for togetherness...

Guyana-Gyal said...

They don't come by often though, the rude customers? Do they? They are probably rude EVERYWHERE, in their own country too.

Has UNBaby picked up the local accent as yet?

scott lakes said...

It seems you'd never have to stave off the resolve that NOT all that glitter is gold: your Island seems to be utopian/ I'll knock on wood presently for you! How far inland are you? Boy, a flood came a hollerin'here in Lexington, Ky recently--lots of creeks, the Bluegrass country... Saw a punk-rock n roll band lastnight-AWESOME COLOR from NY via Mich. I live an urban myth, because the noise of the city collludes in my effort-looking into the undergrowth of my arbor (yard) w/ the report of sirens/traffic/air travel to the UK hosp. just down the road. I breath more deeply in my walks thru my neighborhood going by magnolia's collected cooler air in its perimeter. I'd love a comment

amirra said...

hey unbaby is my sister why do u call her that?