Thursday, February 02, 2006

The King of Coolwhip

I was shopping in Belize City on a Friday. Why is Friday significant? The produce trucks from the farms come into Belize City on Tuesday and Friday mornings. Most Caye Caulker restaurants shop on Tuesday. If you're at the local suppliers on Tuesdays, you'll most likely run into your competitors. The race is on for fresh spinach. We bring big plastic bins and coolers with us. The cargo going thru the water taxi terminal is a mile high, and you have to wait sometimes all day (in the heat) to get your food onto the boat. So most weeks we do the serious shopping on Fridays, less traffic. This past Friday I was at one of the larger grocery stores and saw one of my competitors. A so-called heighty teighty where the female partner is uptight and unfriendly and the male partner is downright haughty. For whatever reason, I have no idea. Inflated sense of self? I'm now qualified to call him the King of Coolwhip. Bwahahahahah! This guy had bought EVERY tub of coolwhip in the store. Its his SECRET and virtually ONLY INGREDIENT in their famousa Tiramisu and chocolate mousse that people supposedly rave about. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! I looked at him and silently sent the message... DUDE, YOU ARE SOOOO BUSTED! So being the way I am (biotch on a leash) I sent Middle Child Syndrome over incognito to their place that night and had her order the 2 desserts - to go, then we did an analysis. They have the nerve to charge $7 U.S. for a teensy slice of ladyfingers dipped in espresso topped with coolwhip and a cherry and had the cheapest cocoa powder sprinkled on top, and $7 U.S. for a 4 ounce cup of something mixed with coolwhip. That is soooooo shady.

I've been wanting to create a line of Drunken Desserts to have in the cooler, and have been mulling over recipes, trying to decide. The King of Coolwhip was my catalyst to do better. Now that I've made fun of the King of Coolwhip, you would think that I would be too ashamed to use coolwhip. By all means no, I can understand the use of coolwhip, its non-dairy, and has a shelf life of 1000 years or more, but as a main ingredient, so lazy.

In a tourist town in a 3rd world tropical country, you've got to be careful. Bacteria grows really fast here. No making the tourist sick! Certain foods are off limits. Raw eggs, locally produced milk, imported lettuce from Mexico or Guatemala because they use human waste to fertilize with. In addition certain foods are just not available most of the time. Locally produced lettuce is scarce. Things like imported pasturized cream will usually be spoiled by the time it gets here, so strike that one off the list. I've never seen bittersweet chocolate, ever. So here's my modified For The Tropics Tiramisu recipe. I'm using a deep stainless steel 1/4 sheet cassserole dish sprayed with Pam, the pan size 10" x 16". If you're making this at home, just cut the recipe in 1/2.

White Russian Tiramisu

Espresso sauce - stir together until sugar melts then let cool
2 cups of hot espresso
1 cup of Kahlua
1/4 cup cane sugar

Filling - whip together until light and fluffy
1-1/2 lbs of cream cheese pushed through a seive
1 8 ounce can of Nestles Media Creama which is a thick pasturized sterlized cream that comes in cans
3/4 cup sifted powder sugar - adding a little bit at a time
Add to the creamy mixture one 8 ounce tub of the dreaded COOL WHIP (and stop saying to yourself Lee is LAZY)

Chocolate Sprinkle
Grate 2 ounces of unsweetened chocolate and mix with 1/4 cup of sifted confectioners sugar

3 packages of Ladyfingers
Take ladyfingers and dip one-by-one in espresso/kahlua (do not soak) and make a layer on the bottom of the pan.
Spread 1/3 of the cream mixture on top
Sprinkle 1/3 of the chocolate on top
Make 3 layers alternating ladyfingers, cream and chocolate sprinkle finishing up with chocolate sprinkle on top.
Let refridgerate overnight to let the flavors mix.
Cut pan into 12 squares.

The first peice out of the pan flopped so I had to eat it - of course. Then I licked the plate clean and went upstairs and took a nap. The next peice out of the pan didn't go into the clear plastic to-go container for the cooler very well, and had my thumbprint on it that even another dusting of chocolate sprinkle wouldn't take away, it was worrysome to me, so I had to eat it later, then go upstairs and take another nap. I've really got to work on this low tolerance to alcohol problem that I have.
1 drink - sleepy
2 drinks - silly
3 drinks - taking my top off and dancing on the table

My next experiment in Drunken Desserts will be a Lime Margartia Cheesecake.


Mary Beth said...

OHMIGOD!! I so loved that information. It's not a crime to sell food that people seem to love and over charge for it, but it is a crime to misreprent the ingredients in the food. I'm definatley going in there this trip because we will have friends with us to "impress" yuckyuck but I will be on the look out for the "coolwhip" disclosure on the menu!

DCveR said...

Guess I have always taken my Tiramisu recipe for granted, with the most delicious mascarpone on plenty of stores nearby. Those details about life in the tropics almost make me feel great to be this cold now! ;)

Ale said...

yey recipie!!!

that's messed up that he was just shopping in broad day light like that! should have at least disguised himself!

Rainypete said...

It's a good thing you did't have to eat a thrid square then isn't it?

Anonymous said...

The only thing better than tiramisu is drunken tiramisu. I'm going to be in Caye Caulker a month from today, and will definitely be stopping by!


DCveR said...

One thing I forgot to mention, I used to add Some Amaretto to my tiramisu, one day Good Half used mint schnapps instead because she didn't have anything else handy, from that day on we always use mint scnapps or 'créme de menthe', thought you might want to give it a try...

Rev. Dennis J. Shane, D.D., ULC said...

LOL... you have done wonders for the lettuce trade from Mexico and Guatemala... lol

cream said...

Lee, I love this post! There's nothing better than doing better than the competition.
In my quest to open our Casa del Mar, I visited many Tapas Bars in the area just to make sure that I can do better. And, so far (10 days) we are doing great!
I'll have to try the Russian Tiramisu!

Michael Manning said...


Caribbean Colors said...

Marybeth - don't them their new name, its better to laugh behind your hand.

dcver - mascarpone - I WISH!!! The schnapps sounds delish though. I'll try it, can you send me a bottle? Just kiddin.

Ale - he should have put on a smile, then I would have never recognized him.

Rainey - lordy, what I would have donw with a 3rd peice, I'm scared to think of it.

I must be doing smething right, the 2nd pan of tiramisu was made yesterday and someone came in and wanted to buy the WHOLE pan.

Melissa - I look forward to meeting you!

Denny - I'm sure they appreciate me too.

Cream - I still have your post printed out by my desk, about what people expect when tey go to a restaurant.

Michael - one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Aaaaaaaa lettuce with what? My mother keeps refusing to buy local lettuce for the same reason and I didn't believe her. Now I do.

That's it, I'm going to plant my own.

Did King of Coolwhip see you looking at him? I hope he SAW you STARING! And laughing with your hand over your mouth hee hee hee

Caribbean Colors said...

GG- He gave me sideways glances and cut his eyes at me. But that's o.k. because I pointed at him with my lips and sucked my teeth. In Guyana, is sucking your teeth at someone, as big an insult as it is here in Belize when accompanied by the word Cho?