Wednesday, February 08, 2006


I'm not blogging much because we're in the height of high season, but here are some highlights from the last week.

When does it stop being "information" and start being gossip?

Stirring the Pot
I've started complaining about my neighbors, the Pizzafarians, to the powers that be. Every time the breeze blows from the east, they position their bbq grill so that the smoke blows right into my back entrance to the store and they fill us up with smoke, rather than blowing smoke on their customers. I first ask them to move it, they always tell me to shove it up my arse, then I have to get my police friends to make them do it. They are my friends because I give them all the stale cake from the cafe, and they love me for it. I've started complaining to the village council about the garbage the Pizzafarians leave on the beach that we are forced to clean up every day, or pay someone to do it, because they just don't care that what they do affects their neighbors. They have 2 old refridgerators that they have dumped on the beach, right in front of the property, on Queensland, that have been there for 3 weeks. Complain to the landlord? We ARE the landlord. I've stopped turning the other cheek, and I'm stirring the pot, it has its emotional toll though, and hopefully the price is worth it. Their lease is up in 12 months. Tick tock.

Bob Marley Wannabe: Jah Rastafarai, beabes you should condown da beoch, da big paattee fa Bub Maalee.
Middle Child Syndrome: Sorry, I have to work for a living, but we'll have a seance for him later tonght.
Bob Marley Wannabe: kewl. Jah jah.

Married Spanish Policeman: I've been watching you through you window.
Middle Child Syndrome: Have you been looking through the window that faces the police station or the window that faces the street?
Married Spanish Policeman: the window that faces the police station
Middle Child Syndrome: Dude, you've been watching my mother! Ewwww... creepy!
Married Spanish Policeman: ....

The Next Renovation
Bigness has been busy with a sledgehammer in one hand and a pinch bar in the other renovating a huge 2-1/2 bedrom apartment on the other side (north east) of the building. Its the apartment that is over the Pizzafarians. There's something very King Kongish and macho about tearing out walls. When he started tearing it down I expected him to burst through the door beating his chest and pick me up in his giant hand. This lovingly restored apartment will probably be the most luxurious and largest beachfront rental on Caye Caulker. Parts of it are 40 years old, from the first little house he built in his 20s. The last tennant nearly ruined the place. Bigness had to rip all the wall casings, refloor all the rooms and lay new linoleum, put up completely new dry wall in every room, retile the bathroom, new kitchen cupboards and countertop, new furniture, new new new everything. But this time we're renting it out by the night and week. No long term tennants anymore. I didn't take any "before" pictures, because it was so ugly I couldn't bear to do it, but I'll definitely take the "after" pictures. Its coming out so pretty that I might take a vacation over there once its finished.

What's for Dessert?
Last year for Valentines Day Bigness bought me a nice fat diamond ring. This year he's bought the matching band for it. And one for him too, size 14.


Ale said...

so does this mean maryAge???

Pastafarians need to go show it up THEIR ARSE! oh, i'd go nuts on them..!

Caribbean Colors said...

Mebbeee. He came home with a peice of paper today, something about an application for a non-infant, or if one of us is an infant we have to have completed the paperwork for necesary consent under the provision of the Marriage Act, Chapter 174 of the Laws of Belize - Revised Edition 2000.
I think infantile behaviour is exempt.

The Pastafarians are getting to know the "other" side of me now. I have good training, from the best. (Raised 3 daughters) When my kids were in high school and lived on the 2nd floor of the house I would yell up the stairs for them to get up, with the warning, "Don't make me come up these stairs to get you out of bed!"

Guyana-Gyal said...

It never stops being "information", never.

Middle Child Syndrome is saucy...she fits right in, doesn't she?

Pastafarians need Bigness with his sledgehammer. They're the worst kind of neighbours and I'm glad you're taking them on.

Wedding, wedding, I'm excited and hopeful and happy for you.

Mary Beth said...

Hi L: Would you please send me a private server says your address is not valid and I can't email you. Thanks, MB

cream said...

The bells, the bells, the wedding bells!
What a romantic guy!

Rev. Dennis J. Shane, D.D., ULC said...

Everytime I come down I think, I'd love to live here. Then you listen to residents and stories like yours and... well, you know... ;)