What's a Girl to do?

An evening out visiting with the ladies in Belmopan. We enjoyed a medium size bottle of rum split between 6 girls, just enough liquor to loosen the tongues. The men went outside to talk about whatever it is men talk about. Cars, motorcycles, engines, beer and pretty gials. They enjoyed a GALLON of rum split between 4.

The ladies however, got right down to business, we talked about our men and how we punish them, err, I mean torture. Well, not really torture, that’s such a negative word with far reaching complications. What I mean is, we each answered the universal question: “How do YOU get your man to mind?”

Many of the ladies I had just met, so I kept quiet while I developed the gut ache you only get from laughing and laughing. Tales of hidden shoes - only the left, hidden wallets, hidden teeth, hidden keys, locking them out, locking them in.

I silently reviewed my choices and realized that none of those techniques would have any effect on Bigness. You see, I am married to a man who doesn’t care what you think about him. If I hid his shoes, he would walk barefoot. If I hid his teeth he would go out gums all aflapping. If I hid the keys there is always the bus, or here on Caye Caulker, no one needs a car anyway. If I hid his wallet, there’s the Sports Bar right downstairs, and a open tab for the landlord. If I locked him out, he would just shake the house until I let him in. If I locked him in, you would see a remake of the Incredible Hulk bursting through a wall, complete with sound effects. After all, he’s a builder and can fix it tomorrow.

So what’s a girl to do? I discovered this quite accidently. CARB OVERLOAD. Pasta, rice, bread, pizza, keeps him sleepy… all the time and out of trouble. Rich desserts. He thinks I'm being a good wife AS HIS EYES ROLL TO THE BACK OF HIS HEAD AND HE SETTLES IN FOR A 2 HOUR SIESTA, shhhh, don't tell him. PROMISE ME YOU WON'T TELL HIM, pinky swear it. I’ve also found that a slight case of food poisoning keeps him at home, but that’s not so fun for me. Ooooooffffff!

One thing I noticed is that none of the ladies used SEX to keep their man home, or at least they weren’t talking about it.

So ladies, here’s a question… how do you keep your man at home? DISCUSS.

And men, if you have any good ideas, SHARE.