Wednesday, January 31, 2007

You Might NOT Want to Click to Enlarge

Photo Friday - January 26 - Brother

I shot these gorgeous photos of my OLDER brothers that I like refer to as Charles Manson Jr. (top one) and Einstein’s Younger Brother (bottom one). I like to refer to my OLDER brothers with these monikers because of how NICE they treated me when I was growing up telling me that I was adopted and my parents had found me in a trash can, and if I wasn't good they were going to put me right back into the trash can. Oh, also we lived in racially charged Detroit in the 60’s (dodging race riots) they told me I was really black (or as we used to say in the 60s Negro) but that my parents whitewashed me while I was asleep. And that was the reason I got so dark in the summer was that they were too busy to keep painting me at night. I am the baby, you see, and the only girl, so I was THE PRINCESS DAMMIT!

Sometimes my brain is still 12 years old.

Dad: Lee Ann will you take an ID photo of your brothers for their campground membership card with your new fangled camera. (Notice how parents always use your FULL name)

Me: Sure Dad… (he didn’t say it had to be a nice photo)

Me: Dave.. Mike.. line up over there (I point to a shadowy part of a wall and line them up like they are on the firing squad)

Me: o.k. hold still Mike (as I inch lower and lower and lower so he looks like he has a nice double chin, should I tell him to comb his hair? Naw! NotMyProblem)

CLICK

Me: O.K. Dave, hold still while I zoom in real close and give me a nice smile… (PSYCHO!)

CLICK - one shot. Not the usual click click click, turn your head this way, o.k. part your lips slightly, lower your chin, raise your chin, look at me, look away from me. Just one click.

Later that day Dad wants to get the photos off the camera… being the super genius computer guy that my dad is, I give him the software CD, cables and camera and I go hide in the livingroom under the couch.

Dad: Ugh! Arrrrr! Honey we’re going to have to reshoot these. Michael didn’t even comb his hair.

Me: bwahahahaha (my evilest laugh) Something wrong? (I call from under the couch)

Dad: Your Mother is going to have to call Your Brothers and take new photos. These are TEERRRRRRIBLE.

Mom: Let me see... (she looks at them) They are what they are. Michael didn't comb his hair, but that's how he looks. And David, well, that's just David.

Dad: But these are ID cards that they will have for a long time...

(Payback is a biotch.)

4 comments:

Malibu Mal said...

That is super funny. Super true too.

Ria said...

(delete this if it is duplicated.)

Woah! Psycho is the word. These pics'll fast track into the FBI database for sure.

In a similar vein, I've been getting increasingly stressed about taking passport photos for the family. A simple enough task you'd think ... before reading the NINE pages of "guidelines" from the Dutch authorities on how the photos should appear.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Ohhh my gosh, you had 2 of 'em too. I was told I was adopted too. And you should hear what they told me happens to people when they die.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lee! I'm ejoying this website! Thanks for posting.

On another note, I was researching about living in Belize and ran across this interview of you: http://www.expatinterviews.com/Lee-Vanderwalker-Alamina.html.

You mention something about rastas taking advantage of female tourists. could you elaborate? do you mean temporarily or long-term? thanks!

sara