Thursday, May 05, 2011

A Slight Case of Volcano Mouth

Be careful, its contagious.

Now that Easter is finished, and nearly all the tourists have left. I find myself with... time on my hands, and frankly, I'm bored. Now LiLi or Liliana (my new name given to me by The Mexicans cuz they can't handle Lee Ann), you could use your time wisely, so you say. Wisely, like paint a silk scarf, or produce something interesting and beautiful? Oh, not me. I'm using my time to taunt the few young men left on the island. Why the young men you ask? BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS TAKE THE BAIT.

Two young (shirtless) guys sit down at the coffee bar and I serve them their steaming hot cups of java.
As I set them down on the counter top, I mumble "I hope you like strong coffee."
They look up at me surprised and one of them answers, "Yes Maam we do."
Oh, there's that word "Maam", again. In young boyspeak it means, o.k. you old windbag.
"You're not going to winp out on me are you?" I say
"Pardon me?" he replies
"You're not going to winp out on me and ask for hot water to add are you?" I say menacingly
"Oh no maam, I can handle it."
"You sure?" I just can't let it go.
"Yes maam."
"Ok then."
No more to tease about and I back away slowly, THEY HAVE SUCCOMBED TO MY DOMINATION.
Two older ladies come in and buy a brownie, and come back a few minutes later and buy another one. The younger of the two exclaims "I have never had a piece of chocolate in my mouth that tasted so good. What secret ingredient are you using?"
I ignore the obvious and tell her "Hashish."
"Really?" she exclaims
"JUST KIDDING, do you think you can buy a hash brownie for $2 U.S?" I answer, "Its the espresso and cinnamon."
"Because I ate a ganga brownie in Jamaica." she confides
Her friend quickly adds, "Well I didn't eat the brownie! I passed on that!"
"And I was stoned the next day." the younger of the older ladies adds
"Well this one will just give you a sugar high." I reply
"Jesus loves you and he's coming back to earth one day." she says while retreating out the door.
Today I was asked if the coffee ice cubes in the iced coffee were made from coffee, and I answered "No, its well water"
I will never tire of seeing open mouth dismay from my customers...
"JUST KIDDING" I say, "its coffee."
I should slap myself sometimes
A young man orders a ham & cheese omelet with bagel and fruit cup today and when serving him the plate, I had forgotten the fruit cup on the counter top. Remember, I should be wearing a T-Shirt with WWW on it (World's Worst Waitress) and to recover from my little error, I told the customer that we were out of fruit and asked him if it is o.k. if I give him this cup of napkins instead?
So polite, these young men are, he just said "errr..... I guess... that's o.k." polite and uncertain.
JUST KIDDING! And I limped back to the kitchen to get it for him, only I forgot which leg I was supposed to limp on, and after a few steps Shirlene comments from the kitchen, "Wrong leg Miss Lee, de adda wan."
What would I do without Shirlene?


Anonymous said...

You've just made me LOL ms Lee!

MIssCarmen said...

Creative, beautiful photos!
Love your blog...and your sense of humor.
And you are a fun waitress....but more importantly a top notch business woman!
Miss you lots.

Guyana-Gyal said...

If they don't laugh when they know you're teasing, something's wrong with them.

Miss Footloose | Life in the Expat Lane said...

Loved this. People are so much fun, well they can be. WWW? Probably not.

Anonymous said...

You may be among the world's worst waitresses, I know I would be, but you are in fact the world's best blogger! With this stuff as material, you just keep telling the truth and the rest of us will keep on laughing! Love, MB