Seven Deadly Sins on Caye Caulker:

This could also be subtitled: Things they don't tell you in the guidebook

1. Not saying good morning. People will say “She noh hail me.” Not saying hello, good morning, good day, alright, yah yah, good evening, will get you branded as a snob. Once you’re branded a snob you’ll have to work 3x harder hailing people so much that eventually you’ll just put your sunglasses on, paste a smile on your face and go into automaton mode shouting yah yah, alright alright, maunin maunin to everyone as you ride your bike down the street. The contrast is in Belize City where it’s a mistake to say hello to anyone and making eye contact means that eventually you’ll have to turn around a hiss at the stalker following you.

2. Driving too fast in your golf cart down our sandy streets. The sign is posted GO SLOW and that mean go slow mista man. Go slow applies to walking also, if you walk too fast you'll sweat too much. The contrast is not driving fast enough on the “Highway.” Let’s just say that Bigness’s driving could be classified as Macho.

3. Going into our local bank and walking right up to the teller’s window thinking that there is no line. There is no line, just a pecking order on the chairs distributed around the lobby, which includes little little little kids sent to the bank by their grandma. If you have a question as to the pecking order just ask the 2 fully armed security officers who we speculate have working pistols in their belt.

4. Forgetting to ask the postmistress, village council secretary, policewoman, or store clerk, how her baby is. Failure to do this could cause you to have your mail delayed by 2 weeks, get your taxes raised, or get you arrested.

5. Throwing away your Caribbean Tobacco cigarette packs before they do the big sweepstakes drawing. Miss Marie won a Toyota just cleaning up her yard.

6. Calling someone’s wife a big baboon, unless that’s her name.

7. Letting your grandmother’s or mother’s property be repossessed by the bank when she gives her land papers as security for you to buy a boat.