The Dimmer Switch that Controls the World

Me: the air conditioning isn't working in the little apartment.
Bigness: it was working just fine the last time I checked.
Me: its not working now.
Bigness: is the refrigerator working?
Me: I don't know.
Bigness: . . . are you sure its not working?
Me: I know how to turn an air conditioner on.
Bigness: why do you need air conditioning?
Me: that's not the point, the point is that its not working. I tried changing the plug and neither plug on that wall is working.
Bigness: is the refridgerator working?
Me: I . D O N ' T . K N O W.
Bigness: it must be working, are you sure you turned it on?
Me: (big sigh) I KNOW how to turn the air conditioner on and its not working. I checked the circuit breaker and no circuit popped.
Bigness: . . . (shrug)
Me: we need that air conditioner fixed.
Bigness: why?
Me: because we are advertising an efficiency apartment with air conditioning, and that's the hottest room in the whole house.
Bigness: must be the switch.
Me: what switch?
Bigness: the switch I have it on.
Me: like what switch?
Bigness: (deep breath because he's about to splain something tek-nickle to the eedjiot) the switch that was there, I put the outlets on that wall on it. It was a dimmer switch but I needed it to be an outlet plug, so I wired it straight through. (he says this like it makes complete sense to him)
Me: where's that switch?
Bigness: I moved it.
Me: where's that switch!
Bigness: its in the alleyway between the two houses.
Me: why would you do that?
Bigness: I didn't want anyone messing with it so I dropped it between the 2 walls when we closed up the doorway between the apartments.
Me: is that dangerous?
Bigness: No. . . what's dangerous is how the pizzafarians have their butane tanks hooked up all slek with plastic tubes instead of copper quicksnap fittings.
Me: didn't you send them a letter about that?
Bigness: yes.
Me: go check the switch before you forget.
Bigness: I will.
Me: I mean it!
Bigness: gial I don't know what you're worried about there's nobody even on this friggin island to rent to.
Me: . . .

Later that day... MCS came in and dropped a dimmer switch in my lap.
MCS: I fixed it.
Me: what's this?
MCS: the dimmer switch that controls the world.
Me; that's jacked up.
MCS: not anymore.
Me: the toilet is leaking. . .
MCS: girl power!
Me: is the air conditioner working?
MCS: is the refrigerator working?
Me: . . .