More Merida

A wandering musician came up to our table as we were enjoying highly caffeinated drinks in the morning and sang a song for us. Look at how little the people are here. Bigness is sitting down and is almost as tall as he is. I caught about 1-in-10 words, but Bigness caught them all. They were something like, you’re wife is juicy, she gives you lots of … something or another, she makes you happy, you like to squeeze her… juiciness

Bigness: haw haw haw
Me: what’s he saying?
Bigness: haw haw haw haw, … nothing
Me: no, really what’s he saying?
Bigness: ssshhhhh!
Me: …
Bigness: nothing gial, just a lotta rass. He thinks you’re juicy that’s all.
Me: … I guess they like big ting here too.

The Shopping Trip
(note: none of the photos are of the mall, which is glass and shiny and chrome and looks like every other mall in America, uninteresting)

We decided to go shopping on Saturday. Most of the stores in Merida were closed on Good Friday, but everything opened back up on Saturday. So, we took a long walk in the afternoon, and then a cab to the mall. I had been looking forward to the trip-to-the mall, since it has been nearly two years since I had been shopping for myself. 2 years? With the occasional cast off from Supergirl, I’ve been surviving on my last shopping trip the Thestates from May of 2005. Yes, its true, the elastic on almost everything I own is nearly crumpled up and sprung, and yes I did get that care package of unmentionables mixed in with Bigness’s clothing shipment from my mom. Thank goodness the wardrobes are simple here on Caye Caulker, they consist of bathing suits, a piece of fabric wrapped around your arse and fringe on the bottom of everything. What is considered island fabulous here on Caye Caulker is the subject of open-mouth stares everywhere else. The mall was o.k. It had gotten such rave reviews from friends and family that I expected circus performers hanging from the ceiling. It was basically the same stores that we have in Chetumal, the Liverpool Store with polyester fashions for old ladies, small old ladies. The Chedraui which is like the Target or Walmart of Mexico. We were looking for the fabled JC Penney and Sears that legend had it existed in Merida. We never did find the JC Penney, it appeared on the map at the mall, but round and round we went through the maze of corridors with a layout shaped like a curvy capital H. All we found was a store called “Dorians” where the JC Penney used to be. We (meaning HE) asked and asked mall workers, Where is the JC Penney? Donde esta JC Penney? They would point in this direction or that, as puzzled as we were. We (meaning I) surmised that it was an old map after wandering around aimlessly and frustrated to the point that I needed an ice cream cone to cool my brains. Well if they don’t have the JC Penney and Sears doesn’t even appear on the mall map, where’s the fat ladies’ store? Legend had it that there was a supersize mujer store in Merida, and what better place for it? Round and round we go again, this time looking for the Gordita Mujer Camisa Tienda. For a quick translation of those Spanish words check out www.babelfish.altavista.com
Couldn’t Bigness ask someone where it was? No, (that would make too much sense) and it would involve speaking SPANISH, to a stranger, and we didn’t have much luck finding the JC Penney did we?
So I decided to BRING IT ON, but first I had to practice the words and torture Bigness.

Me: there’s a fat lady (I point with my lips because pointing with my finger is rude)
Bigness: … (looks over there) Me: Ask her
Bigness: ask her what
Me: ask her where she buys her clothes
Bigness: What? You want me to ask her?
Me: well, I’ll do it then.
Me: Help me practice the words.. Discuple, por favor, donde esta tienda para gordita mujer? (notice how when I concentrate I can almost EXPLODE with spanish words)
Me: is that how I say it?
Bigness: gial
Me: whaaaaaaaaaaat
Bigness: you can’t ask a lady where she buys her fat clothes
Me: why not?
Bigness: you can’t say the word gordita, she’ll think you’re calling her fat
Me: she IS fat, and she has to buy her clothes somewhere
Bigness: Gial, noh mek I do dis ting (and he began to seriously crunch down on his ice cream cone)
I’ve noticed when Bigness doesn’t want to do something he all of the sudden loses his ability to speak Spanish, even though its his first language. Remember the incident when I was trying to buy the hormone cream?
Me: well how should I say it?
Bigness: gial, less go
And off we went, the trip to the mall over, no fat girl’s clothes store to be found, no JC Penney, no Sears.

So, the mall was a big letdown, and that night I was relegated to shopping at the marketplace in the city center. My clothes now are not so much clothes now as they are costumes from the movie “Frida” making me look like the proper Spanish wife. That and my new “Sexy Spanish Teacher” glasses with rhinestones on the sides complete the look. Some of the new clothing pieces I will wear in public, some resemble a Mexican lace tablecloth too much and are best worn only at home.

We found Sears the next day, but that’s another story (and a different mall)