How to Have a Wedding for Under $500
Tip #1 - Do not invite anyone
Tip #2 - Do not tell anyone
Tip #3 - Do not serve beer, serve rum-n-coke or coke-n-brandy for the men and Boone's Farm margarita wine coolers for the ladies.
Tip #4 - Do not even know about it YOURSELF until the day before.
Tip #5 - Photographer, schmatographer, who needs a professional photographer? Just point and click click click and something should turn out right.
Tip #6 - Flowers? Forgettaboutit. You only hold them for 5 minutes, let's just pretend they are there and save a ton of money. But don't forget about the little teensy tiny ribbon roses for your hair stuck in with a gadjillion hairpins (ouch!)
Tip #7 - Honeymoon = Moneymoon, just go home, gosh darn it and go to bed!
Tuesday, July 4: I told Bigness that when I finish this dress, there's no more excuses because I found my shoes and you have your Guyaberra (fancy Spanish dress shirt) that you bought in Chetumal.
Wednesday, July 5: started sewing my dress. I had ditched the idea of a silk oranza fru-fru- floaty ruffle dress, because its so hot to wear (nothing worse than a sweaty bride) for the cooler comfort of white cotton Mexican eyelet bride's dress fabric. 4 yards ($50)
Thursday, July 6: Woke up in the morning, Bigness said "Gial let's just go and get the damn paper one time" Called MCS and had her send my sandles, jewelry, his guyabera and dress pants. We went to get the marriage license and chased around all day for it ($25), stopped at Sav-U and bought a cake ($25) on the way home. Bigness called his Neice in Belmopan and her husband, who love a party, and let them know to get the ice-a-chillin and the karaoke machine warmed up. They called a caterer who made some finger foods ($200), and found a police inspector in Belmopan who is also an ordained minister, to officiate.
Friday, July 7: a.m. finished my dress, in the afternoon I got bride's hair ($15) while Bigness was going around buying drinks and mixers ($150), and at 7 p.m. got married. And most important of all... do not forget about the nap on the couch between 12 and 3 p.m. At midnight we went home becasue we're old geezers and let the youngsters party till dawn.
Hey, check out the nervous rash on bride's neck
Headline News: Bride aquitted of maim for attempting to bite groom's finger off.
"It just got in the way, I was going for the marischino cherry" she said in a statement later that day.Bigness picked the rings out. Inside the bands are our initials.Sign on the Dotted Line Please.